Missions

For as long as I can remember I have had a heart for missions. I have always had a love for other cultures and other countries... even other cultures in my own country. My first missions trip didn't happen until I was a sophmore in high school but my love for other cultures started long before that. I can remember being quite young and my parents/grandparents would set up a correspondence between me and missionaries from our church. I would write them letters, ask for pictures and I would put them in a scrapbook. When the missionaries would come back on break I would get to meet them. I was involved in AWANA and I was able to write letters to a group in Africa who had an AWANA program. They sent several pictures of them in their uniforms... playing their games... their group.

I just loved learning about these different countries and the ways that these missionaries were changing their world.

Going to a Christian high school we went on a missions trip every year. First year we went to Mexico and worked with an orphanage. The second year to inner city Chicago to work with Jesus People USA, and also special missions trip with just me and one other student to Kenya, Africa. My third year we went to the Dominican Republic.

I didn't take any missions trips during my college years - thats my biggest regret I think. Kyle and I went to England & Scotland for our honeymoon which was great - but no missions trips.

While I was getting my masters at Grace they had a class called Social & Cultural Issue. I *LOVED* it. Learning to counsel different people groups and learning about other countries. Along with the class was a missions trip to Ukraine. I was four months pregnant when we went on the trip, which wasn't a good combination with flying - but whats a little bit of vomit?

I have always had a heart for missions. I know God has called me to be a mom and a wife. God has been showing me that I have my own little mission field here at home.

I have kept saying to myself (since that trip) that I would post about the amazing experience I had ... I kept saying when I really had some time. Well... its been a year and a half since I got back and I still haven't posted. Sooo... I will soon. With pictures.

Thats another piece of where my passion for the fatherless is from. I have met them. I have experienced them.

Mommy & Daddy's Bed

When I was little my dad would have to leave for work at like 4am - 5am due to his 2 hour commute. I remember going in and snuggling in bed with my mom in the early hours while he would get ready for work. Its weird. I can still see the images of him getting ready and giving us a kiss when he had to leave. Their bed always seemed more comfortable than my own bed.

I love being a mom and now having my own kiddos who love to snuggle in our bed.

I dunno what it is. They could wake up a few times a night - but once they come into our room they sleep so soundly. They love to snuggle with mommy and daddy. Not gonna lie... I love it.

Last night both girls slept clear through the night. We were all in bed at 10pm and at 6:30am Kyle and I woke up and I couldn't believe it. A half hour later Cali started crying... and I loved going to get her to bring her in to snuggle. :)

Pictures!

My baby isn't a baby so much any more

Her horse :) She is getting so big!

She loves her two bears :)

The girls the last night in the old house on the floor by mommy & daddy :)

Kinsey Sleeping - Last Night in our OLD house :)

Kinsey & cousin Kate

Wrong Impression

Okay ... um.. I just went back and re-read alot of what I have been saying. I don't want it to come off as that I dislike people who only prefer to adopt a child of a certain race. Or prefer to adopt any child except children of a certain race. I have many people I would consider friends who are in this position. My bestfriend is one of these people. Not only that - but she is scared to even adopt. Period. I think my frustration with people is out of disappointment.

I respect these people. I like these people. I even admire some of these people.

And THAT is why I get frustrated.

Because I simply don't understand.

They disappointment me.

These people that I look up to and love - who are suposed to be like Jesus - place value on the tone of skin. And that breaks. my. heart.

That is why it angers me.

That is why I get upset.

That is where this frustration comes from.

Because they view certain children as less.

A child that could potentially be mine.

Movie

We watched Evan Almighty tonight. Since everyone feels like crap we thought a little movie would be fun. Thought Kinsey would like the animals in the movie (she did) and I hadnt heard too many negative things about it. Probably wasnt worth the $4 I spent but ya get what ya pay for. Kyle's favorite part (where he just cracked up) was the nose trimming at the beginning - go figure :)

I try to take something good out of things like that so this is what I came up with.

1. We may think we know what God has planned but we have no clue (yeah i already knew this but it was a nice reminder). In the movie God asks Evan to build an ark for the flood that will come. He gets mocked. People think he's nuts. And on the day God said there would be a flood people wait for rain to prove Evan and God wrong. Turns out it wasn't going to rain to bring a flood - but this housing addition would be flooded because a dam ends up breaking. It destroys all the homes but because Evan did what God asked the were safe on the ark.

2. We have to trust that God knows eactly what he is doing. In the movie God (or Morgan Freeman - who Kinsey kept calling grandpa lol) asked him to do something that didn't make sense. Who builds an ARK just outside of Washington DC? It took alot of faith and alot of guts.

And just when I thought there wasn't going to be a flood, I thought to myself...

Even if there is no flood, maybe God wanted to know that he was willing to obey?

I hope I am always willing. And I hope I follow through.

Church & Race

I do want to mention one thing about my previous rants about adoption and the church.

One thing that upsets me - is the fact that we have placed different values on race and children.

A child is not valued simply because they are a child - but they have a more or lesser value based on their shade of color.

A black child is more valued if their shade is lighter.
A biracial child is more valued than a black child.
A hispanic child is more valued than biracial child
A half white and half hispanic child is valued more than a hispanic child.
A white child is valued more than any other.

This should not be so.
But it is.
And it makes no difference if its Christian home or not.

Not everyone feels this way - but many I people talk to do.

This is probably why I was "irritated" when Kyle called me after church.

And I would BET this is why he was mad. He frequently makes very direct comments on this issue.

I don't know why for sure because I wasn't at church.

But I do know that the family featured did not want to adopt a black american child... but were willing to adopt a Haitian child. You know Haitian kids are black right?

The vibe I got from Kyle was that it was a leap of faith to adopt (or take in) a child of this color.

Not based on their needs. But based on their color.

It will be interesting to see if they will now we open to an african american child in need of a family here in the United States. . .

I will never understand why value is placed on color.

But based on the ignorant and rude comments people have said directly to me (church friends) - I can tell you its not changing very fast.

Sick

My girls are sick.

Dr thinks it RSV.

Kinsey has a sinus infection on top of that.

They just slept for three hours.

My poor babies :(

A nice hot shower...

..can work wonders :) Okay - not wonders but at least I walk out smelling good. Tonight the Colts won. :) The girls still feel pretty blah and still have that terrible cough :( Kyle is still in a crappy mood from church and still doesn't want to talk about it. I am pooped - ready for bed. Not too optimistic about the night because Cali hasn't been sleeping well AT ALL. Gonna call the doctor in the morning.

Tomorrow we get our fingerprints done for another update to our homestudy. I am looking forward to a new week and putting this one behind me. I hope I don't get into another funk... okay.. I won't let myself get into another funk :) Maybe I should just tell people directly what I think of their stupid comments instead of holding it up inside and venting on this blog :) Maybe I am too nice? Yeah, thats what it is (haha) - I don't want them to look completely stupid when I call them out on the ignorant comment indirectly targeting my two year old daughter and the beautiful brown skin she has.

Okay - the attitude is coming back. Must. Stop. :)

I tend to be a control freak when it comes to the direction my life is going. I don't demand that it go a certain direction - but I DO want to KNOW the direction :) Life doesn't work like that. I am completely out of control and God is completely in control.

I need patience. Lots of it. I know he will be building our family. I know he will do it without my help. He doesn't need my help :)

I have a calm about that. That he can handle it.

I am very anxious to see where God is going to take us. VERY excited.

I feel like something big is going to happen. BIG. I have no clue what. I have no clue when.

But I feel like he is telling me -

SEEK ME.
DELIGHT IN ME.

To Clarify

I just want to make sure - Snarky Mom made a good point.

I DO know that not everyone should adopt. Its isn't a decision to take lightly.

But I DO think that many people who would qualify and make great adoptive parents don't.

I have heard some of the dumbest reasons as to why not.
-I couldn't take someone else's child and look at them the same way-

or.... I loved this one... about domestic adoption... as I was telling them our own adoption story with Kinsey... "I couldnt take a child and then when they turn 18 leave us to go back to their real family".

Or... as they sat with me and my daughters... "You know, you just want your daughter to be your own"... um.... my daughter IS MY OWN.... and she is a daddy's girl... and her daddy wondered if he would ever have that special bond with his biological daughter that he does with his first daughter!

Another point Snarky Mom made -

Adoption should never be out of pity or guilt.

I know that.

And if you do it for that reason then you are headed for trouble.

The church still sucks at adoption - whether international or foster care.

In fact I think it sucks worse at foster care and adoption from the system.

Thanks Snarky Mom - now I will get ticked about this too.

There are hundreds of thousands of kids in the foster care system... in our own communities ... and we don't step up.

The govt has taken over where the church has failed.

AND THE CHURCH HAS FAILED.

I don't even count us as "foster parents" because we have only had two kids placed with us for a minimal time. WE (my family) ARE NOT DOING ENOUGH. I KNOW THAT.

It only makes sense to me that if a child needs a home for a temporary or permanent amount of time that Jesus followers would step up and take that child.

Again... not everyone is equipped to do that. Not everyone is qualified. But many families are. And they don't. Some agencies are very supportive and helpful (like ours).

Many children need specialized care and can only be in certain homes. But many can be in your home - in my home.

As the church - shouldn't we have a true love for these children? As a mother - how does your heart not ache for these children? I could spend hours looking at heart galleries. Its a group of pictures and kids available for adoption in the United States. You know so many of them just want that mom and dad to love them. As a parent - how can you not FEEL that need for them to?

Not everyone IS cut out for adoption. But many are. And those many don't.


ps. another thing that irritates me (and i will blog about this later) but how in the world are people open to adopting a black or african child from another country but not a black child within our own country? UGH

Church

I stayed home with the girls from church because they were sick today. . . more like coughing up nasty stuff. Either way...

So Kyle calls me on the way home from church to tell me that if I was there I would have been really annoyed. Okay - why? He says you just would have. Umm... okay? Why would I have been annoyed Kyle? "Oh you just would have been really irritated?" ... ummm... annoyed and irritated? "Why?" Well he tells me it was something about haiti and orphans and I would have been irritated.

I am not kidding - he is incredibly vague and you have to ask 50 questions.... but he does this when he is bothered by something and doesn't want to talk about it. Soooo... I ask him..

"Would I have been annoyed because YOU were annoyed at what they were saying?"

"Yes, I was!" he says, now sounding irritated at me...

"Why don't you just say why it bothered you Kyle???"

He doesn't want to talk about it and he wants to get off the phone.

Okay - so he is obviously bothered by whatever - and he is right - I probably would have been too.

I can just imagine, because the church sucks at orphan care.

(let me just say this too - soooo does that mean since the situations adopting from haiti have now closed that they would be open to adopting from another country? Or a BLACK child here in the united states? Because before this they were NOT open to a black child... um... aren't haitian children black?)

Not gonna lie - all his phone call did was stir up all the emotions I have been feeling about Ethiopia the last few weeks.

I feel frustration (and maybe a bit of jealousy) that people who CAN qualify to adopt from Ethiopia (or any other flipping country) don't. They don't care about the kids living in an orphanage - or they don't care enough to act. I keep getting emails and info about available or waiting children in orphanages. We don't qualify. Its funny how even right now I start to cry thinking about it. Ugh. I look at people who have PLENTY and could easily add a child (or infant) into their home. But they don't. And here I want to - but can't.

I love my life. We have chosen for our family to live on one income so I can stay home with our children. I want to be the one raising my kids - not some day care. So we CHOSE this... and that decision means we can't adopt from Ethiopia... or Congo... or..... where ever. I told Kyle I wouldn't change it. I don't want him to feel like what he does for us isn't enough... because it is. God is taking our family another direction.

A couple days ago we were contacted by another agency we had inquired through. He seems to think WE CAN adopt from Ethiopia its just a matter of how we are presented in our home study. I just don't know if I want to fork over $600 to find out if immigration will approve us... because what if they don't. That $600 could go towards our next adoption here. I don't know enough of the details how this works.

On another note...

Kyle mentioned last night that he had better finish the upstairs for the next time we get a call for foster care!!! This is HUGE. Kyle has never wanted to do foster care - just foster to adopt or adoption of children waiting in the system. Maybe talking to our social worker yesterday planted a little seed? God is changing is heart :) Our agency usually gets kids who are the harder to place kids in foster care. Now that we moved counties our worker seems optimistic that we will get kids placed with us who would be a good fit for our family and good with little ones :) I am just excited that this may now be a possibility for our family.

There is a child available for adoption now named Anthony. He isn't in our state but I would LOVE to have our info sent in to see if we would be a good family for him. He is significantly older than what we had originally been planning on but this boy has stolen my heart. He is the same age David would be now had he been placed with our family. Anthony's only special "need" is his age. Kyle isn't sure... :) I just want his okay to send our stuff in. I just wanted to share. I don't have much faith in this kind of a situation actually happening for us - but I can't help but get excited about the possibility.

Maybe God is saying WAIT on International Adoption... and right now he wants us taking in the children here. . . loving these kids...

Either way - I am excited to see where he takes us.

Thanks for letting me vent. Its been my therapy for today lol

Safe & Sound

I just put my beautiful girls to bed... in their cribs... in their rooms... in our home... with a daddy to protect them. As I kissed them good night and walked out of the room I thought of how blessed they are. And I thought of the thousands of kids who are going to sleep tonight (or who are unable to sleep) surround by pain and destruction.... with no mommy to cuddle them and no daddy to protect them.

Jesus keep evil from them - provide their every basic need - and set them free.

it takes three minutes...

http://randybohlender.wordpress.com/2010/01/19/working-on-of-many-angles/

Working One of Many Angles
Posted on January 19, 2010 by randybohlender
Take three minutes and do this.
Go to this page on the Haitian Embassy site and send an email that says:
“We appeal to you to ask the US government to provide immediate humanitarian parole to all orphans in danger in Haiti.
We represent a group who will care for your children as long as necessary or until such a time as repatriation is feasible. We have planes, doctors, care givers and housing.
www.thezoefoundation.com“
___

Pray that Good would win over Evil

I know that in the end God wins.

But its hard when you hear about children being bought and sold.

I wonder why God allows it. I know he weeps for the children.

Why do we allow it?

Seriously. Its like those who abide by the law are miles behind those who don't.

Those who want to traffic children are flooding to haiti and taking them out.

Why can't we?

Makes me physically ill to think about it.

There HAS to be a solution for these kids.

Whether God uses me or not to help - I just hope he gets them outta there.

The United States gets into everyone's business for the "better" of their countries...

Why is Haiti different?

I am so incredibly frustrated!

Two articles I just read talks about the issues we face:

http://randybohlender.wordpress.com/2010/01/22/high-stakes/

http://randybohlender.wordpress.com/2010/01/20/not-all-answers-are-created-equal/

The NEED here

The Need
There are 130,000 children in the U.S. foster care system eligible and waiting to be adopted.

These children have lived through loss, neglect and abuse and it is not their fault.
They wait an average of over 3 years to be adopted, with 19% - one out of every five, waiting, just waiting over five years for someone to love them.

Thus, many children languish for years in the foster care system frequently relocated, not belonging to anyone – feeling unloved, isolated, unwanted, undeserving – afraid to reach out to anyone, to trust, to believe in or to plan a future. If they remain un-adopted, the crushing heartache they experience affects their entire being every moment of every day for the rest of their life.

Each year, 26,517 of these children are emancipated – either leave the foster care system or “age out” when they reach their eighteenth birthday – without ever being adopted (Data is from www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cb web site.). Without financial or emotional support from anyone, many of these young adults struggle to belong and gain a place in society, to become productive citizens of our communities.

Of all youth aging out of the foster care system, national statistics indicate:
· 56% are unemployed and face poverty within two to four years,
· They represent 70% of all homeless youth,
· They constitute 88% of incarcerated youth and young adults,
· 40% receive welfare within two to four years,
· 40% do not graduate from high school, and
· 60% of the teenage girls will have a baby within two years.

These aging-out children are walking tragedies, waiting to happen.

Biblical Case For Adoption

What does the Bible say about caring for needy children?

James 1:27 – Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.”

Psalm 127:3,5 – Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from him. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them,

Psalm 68:5,6b – A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.
God sets the lonely in families.

Psalm 82:3 – Defend the cause of the weak and fatherless; maintain the rights of the poor and oppressed.

Matt. 25:40 – The King will reply, “I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.”

Adoption as a Ministry of the Church

James 1:27 says “Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress, and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.”

The Greek word for “look after”, “episkeptomai”, does not merely mean to go to see, but to relieve the problem. Not a shallow term, it implies a commitment to fully meet the needs of the person to whom we are ministering. James indicates that this type of commitment is an outpouring of a heart determined to follow the Lord rather than the world’s standards.

It is every believer’s responsibility to care for orphans, not just a select few. If we truly believe this, in every church there should be families ministering to “orphaned” children in a variety of ways. While some families can welcome a child into their homes, others can help make this possible financially. Still others can provide respite care or make physical modifications of the church facility.

The method a family chooses to minister to children needing families isn’t as important as the fact that we all should be ministering to these children in some way. The love that we lavish on these children will be both a testimony to the world and an opportunity to show our love for the Lord.

Ultimately in the day of judgment “The King will reply, ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.” – Matthew 25:40 (NIV)

*Taken From Kingdom Kids Ministries*

Clinic in haiti

I am so inspiried by these doctors and nurses on the ground in Haiti making the difference. The pain is real - the devastation is real - and they are investing sweat blood and tears to make life better for the people affected by the earth quake.

Jen is there as part of a medical relief team... these are some of her pictures from the first several days:

More photos from the clinic:

http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=151663&id=691226765&ref=mf#

Jen's BLOG:

http://sleepydoctor.blogspot.com/

I can't even imagine seeing a child experience this.

Small Bodies - Big Faith

One of my friends, Kim, along with her 10 kiddos took some time to pray, fast and praise a couple days ago. I asked that she pray for our family specifically with everything going on - knowing where God wants to lead us etc. So thankful to those of you who take us before Jesus!

She posted this:
http://hishandshisfeettoday.blogspot.com/2010/01/to-people-we-prayed-for-yesterday.html

To The People We Prayed For Yesterday
I just have to tell you Pam, Crystal and Chris....

The kid's bedtime prayers were priceless tonight!

Three of them remembered to pray for your requests on their own.

Pam - you will have a Jesus believing son one day!

Crystal- my kids prayed that you'd have a baby FAST (lol)

andChris- believing you will hear about little N very soon.

They put a smile on my face... I don't know how God could say no to such priceless requests!

Here is more on their day with Jesus:

Today has been awesome! The kids and I had an awesome prayer time ... I was so moved that some of them (as well as me - of course - not hard to usually do) were broken and crying as we prayed for your requests and (the children in particular of) Haiti. I've never really seen them do that (moved to tears) and so I know that spiritual things were happening. Mr C was broken with thankfulness that he didn't live 50 plus years ago and I think he got a glimpse of God's true love for him. Yeah God!

When we got to the "what are your dreams for you individually, our family, our community, our nation" conversation ... these are the things I heard come out of our kid's mouths:
-That there would be no hunger - everyone would have food.
-That our family would love everyone God sends to our house.
-That our president would be a Christian with his actions, not words.
-To share God's message with a hard group like Jonah did.
-To be a witness to our neighborhood and they would all come to know Jesus through our love.
-That we would travel to churches and talk about God's love.
-That we would plant a huge garden and share it with everyone we know.
-That the laws of presidency would change to allow people not born in the US to become president. (This has been a dream/prayer of Mr B's for a long time ... how cool to think that maybe, just maybe God will use my son to change this! and maybe, just maybe, I will have had the honor of shaping the heart of the president of the US :)).

Don't we have incredible kids?!

Faith in a Great God

I came across a blog with some quotes that I liked -

Hudson Taylor Quotes~

I have found that there are three stages in every great work of God:

first, it is impossible, then it is difficult, then it is done.

All God's giants have been weak men, who did great things for God

because they reckoned on His being with them.

Unless there is an element of risk in our exploits for God,

there is no need for faith.

You do not need a great faith, but faith in a great God.

Pray Pray Pray

God is opening doors and we are SUPER EXCITED! Even if it turns out he shuts it ... we are still thankful for his unending love. It just doesn't seem real. Please pray for our family. Pray for guidance. Please pray for patience. Please pray for wisdom. Please pray that he does bring the children into our home who he wants here. Please pray that we are obedient.

I cannot WAIT to tell you what he is doing!

Adopting from Haiti & ...

I have seen many people comment that they would love to adopt from haiti after seeing the devastation that is there. The need for families of these children who lost their parents in the earth quake... the poverty they see and the compassion they feel makes them want to act.

What I don't understand is how they don't see that need EVERYWHERE. There are MANY countries that are incredibly poor with millions of orphans. Haiti is not the only country in need. I am not trying to minimize their need. And if you want to adopt from there that is great. I am just saying that the need is everywhere.

While researching Ethiopia these were some facts about their country:

* per capita, Ethiopia receives less aid than any country in Africa

*One third of the population survive on less that $1 (USD) a day

*one out of every 20 children born alive, die in their first month of life

One in ten children die before their first birthday•

One in six children die before their fifth birthday•

44% of the population of Ethiopia is under 15 years old•

60% of children in Ethiopia are stunted because of malnutrition•

The median age in Ethiopia is 17.8 years•

1.5 million people are infected with AIDS (6th highest in the world)•

720,000 children have been orphaned by AIDS alone, and there are 4.6 million orphans in Ethiopia.•

Half the children in Ethiopia will never attend school. 88% will never attend secondary school.•

Coffee prices (Ethiopia’s only major export) fell 40-60% from 1998-2002.•

Ethiopia’s doctor to children ratio is 1 to 24,000

I am sure if you research other countries you will find this same kind of devstating news. There are MILLIONS of orphans in need.

ALL. OVER. THE. WORLD.

So if you want to adopt an orphan in need

and its not going to work out adopting from Haiti...

Consider another country.

There are many.

Its a no go

Our social worker called this afternoon. She said after talking with the international agency they told her that they would be denying us for international adoption. I was pretty much bracing myself for that but it still stung to hear it. Then three hours later the international agency called to let us know... and it hurt again. Its funny how you KNOW what the person it gonna tell you but it still hurts to hear the words. Maybe it was just the way she said it too. I dunno. It hurts.

We have people praying for us - for direction. For closed doors and for open ones.

Our hearts are just so big on adoption... if we can't adopt internationally then hopefully God has bigger plans for us here in the United States. I am excited about what is in store. Maybe its adoption from the system... maybe another domestic adoption. Maybe we will get another Project Cuddle baby! :) Dunno.

Friday we were sent a profile of a six year old little girl who matches our family profile... I just feel like adopting from the system is such a long shot. I dunno why. But I know God will bring the perfect child into our family. And I am excited for that.

Been reading Sacred Parenting. I love it. I love how the author views parenting as such a divine part of our journey on earth. Its not a "how to" on being a better parent but more of how God can use parenting to make us the people he has called us to be. More on that later.

On to see where God is taking us....

Faith Vs. Fear

I have always been one of those people who always thinks that the worse could/will happen. I have learned over the years to let go of this but sometimes the lies of the devil whisper into my ear. Its hard. I have been searching verses in the Bible that talk about faith... and fear. Its been somewhat encouraging.

With all of this adoption talk and plans in the making, I feel the fear rise up. Its silly things mainly. Like... if we adopt from Ethiopia ... what if I die in a plane crash on the way there and I leave my children here without a mother. The thought of leaving my children is emotional for me. I have a better chance of dying in a car crash than that happening.... but don't get me started on that fear lol. I can say that God will protect me if he calls me... but I also know that life happens (within his control) and that doesn't mean he will spare me in that regard. I serve a God that is in complete control. I KNOW that. I also know that Satan knows my weakness and my fears and doesn't want me to follow where I feel God calling. So I am trying to seek after the promises of God.

Isaiah 41:10:
"Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand."

Joshua 1:8-9 (New International Version)
"Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything written in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."

1 John 4:17-18 (The Message)
God is love. When we take up permanent residence in a life of love, we live in God and God lives in us. This way, love has the run of the house, becomes at home and mature in us, so that we're free of worry on Judgment Day—our standing in the world is identical with Christ's. There is no room in love for fear. Well-formed love banishes fear. Since fear is crippling, a fearful life—fear of death, fear of judgment—is one not yet fully formed in love.

1 John 4:18 (New International Version)
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

And one last verse I have been thinking about:
Psalm 37:4 (New International Version)
"Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart."

I don't think that I always delight in my Lord. I need to. I need to seek him. Sometimes I believe that lies I am told and I don't delight myself in my Jesus. I am working on it. Pray for me.

Its home :)

We have been in our new house for a little over a week now. I LOVE it! It feels like home. For the last four and a half years we have been living in a home provided by my husband's employer as part of his pay. First one was on the lake and the other was out in the middle of a corn field. I liked both of the house - beautiful locations - but there is just something about being in your own home. It FEELS like HOME. If we never move again I would be perfectly content. Both of our families have helped out so much - whether it was the packing up boxes, cleaning the house, babysitting the girls, painting, or other remodeling. It was def. a family affair :) I love that though. I love that someday I can tell my kiddos how each part of our family made this home happen :) I feel like a new person in a new home. I love it :)

Not closed yet

The agency we had spoken with who broke the news to us about not being able to adopt from Ethiopia has been working the last couple days to see if there is any possibility. our contact too all of our info to the director to see if there is any way around it. She calls our social worker on monday to discuss with her next! Soooo now we just wait :) Several things must happen and line up for it to become a reality. I know that if God makes this possible its one step through what seems like an open door. But I am prepared to turn around if he closes it. I know he has put the "fatherless" in our hearts for a reason. Even if it means WAIT.

Haiti

Here is a link to the CNN report/interview with the Ivey family who has an adopted son still in haiti:

http://www.cnn.com/video/?/video/world/2010/01/15/am.intv.adopted.son.in.haiti.cnn

5 years old and its over

I can't imagine knowing that once you hit five years old you become institutionalized in some countries. Its unthinkable. Knowing that 90% of all pre-born babies diagnosed with down syndrome are aborted, I have felt this tug. Of course - I feel a tug for any child who is without a mother and a father. :) Anyway so over the last year (off and on) I have been reading what I can and watching informational shows on Down Syndrome... the misconceptions, the "challenges", and the abilities of these individuals. Many children in other countries with down syndrome are often institutionalized after five years of age. I cannot imagine a child spending his entire life in an orphanage or an instution but millions do everyday. I wanted to share three sweet faces with you of little boys in desperate need of families willing to take them in.

http://www.reecesrainbow.com/newsite/atrisk.html

"Dear Sponsors, please click below to view our waiting children with Down syndrome who are most "at risk" of imminent institutionalization due to their age and/or medical complications. Typically, our children are sent to the mental institutions at the age of 4, so we are in a frantic race against time to raise grant donations and find adoptive families for them before their time runs out. Although they can often still be adopted once they are transferred, the emotional damage to them is so painful, and we work really hard to prevent that from ever happening."

Ian (y65w-2)
Boy, Born April 1, 2006
Russia

SIGNIFICANT RISK, PLEASE ADOPT ME SOON!
Ian is a very special boy! It is rare to find a child of African descent in Russia, but here he is! Ian is HEALTHY, with no heart condition. He is active and happy and an orphanage favorite. He does have one undescended testicle on the right side.
He has $1288 in my grant fund towards the cost of his adoption!

Timothy (17)
Boy, Born August 12, 2006
Isn't Timothy DARLING?? This handsome, happy, active 3 year old boy is just waiting for his family to come get him!!! He will be 3 in August and is already up and walking. He does have an oval window, but this has not stopped him in any way. He eats and sleeps well, is social and active with the other typical children, and has been very well taken care of. He will make a wonderful addition to ANY family!
Contact Andrea directly for more information
I have $1280 in my grant fund towards the cost of my adoption!

Carter # 653
Boy, Born May 5, 2004

This sweet pea of a little boy is so cute! I love his little almond shaped eyes and reddish-brown hair! I bet he has a smile that can light up a room. Carter is healthy, with no heart or other medical complications from his Down syndrome. He will be a blessing for any family. He does have strong facial features of FAS (Fetal Alcohol Syndrome). Families considering Carter should research th effects of this condition as well as Down syndrome to assess their comfort level. he is very affectionate and loving!

He is facing the institution and needs a family quickly.

SINGLE MOMS, OLDER PARENTS, & LARGE FAMILIES WELCOME, EASY TRAVEL
Please contact Shelley for more information

As he leads

I am feeling alot better about all the adoption stuff. I know where he closes a door he opens another. I have always known. When God puts something on my heart - my WHOLE heart goes into it. I am emotionally invested. Its hard on me but I think its a good thing. It opens up for alot of hurt but so worth it.

I really don't know where he wants to lead us. I do know that he will speak through my husband. Kyle has such a big heart. He gave me my perfect mate. I love that Kyle loves that I am passionate about adoption. He loves that about me - lucky for me :) God has given Kyle a heart for the fatherless. We express it different but its an intense love just the same. I love it when he shares his heart for adoption. I am thankful I serve a God who WILL lead us both hand in hand. Maybe its with Project Cuddle. Maybe its a child adoptable in the system. Maybe its a foster child. Maybe its none of the above and he has yet to show me the possibilities.

I am thankful he does speak. I pray I have the guts to go where I am called.

Farmers Show

Today the four of us were going to go to the farm show. Kinsey was so cute and she just kept talking about going to the "farmers show". Well we didn't realize that it ended when it did and by the time we got there it was pointless. Poor Kyle was really looking forward to it. It was just gonna be a nice fun family outing. Kinsey started crying and for the next half hour kept telling daddy she wanted to go to the farmers show :) The night wasn't lost... we went to Lowes and bought some needed things and headed to Texas Roadhouse :) Kinsey and Cali slept most of the way back which was nice. It was about a 45 minute drive ... I love it. Its just long enough where the kids don't go psycho and Kyle and I can just TALK. Whether its serious adult stuff... whether its what he heard on the Mike & Mike show or how stinking cute our kids are :) I just love being with him. I love hearing him talk. I love watching him talk. My husband is so handsome :) His daughter's know it too. At Lowes Kinsey says "Daddy, you so handsome daddy". Makes my heart melt. Makes his heart melt too :)

Dangerous Surrender

I couldn't sleep. The last few hours have been hard. I think the most frustrating and discouraging thing for me is that I thought I knew where we were suposed to be. When you think you are headed where God wants you to go and you're not... well.. for me I question alot. Makes me question myself. Makes me wonder when I think I am being led if its just really me. I have always struggled with that - direction from God. Knowing where he wants me to go or what to do. Its frustrating. Its discouraging. I question asking God to show me - because I don't think I can hear what he wants anyway.

I decided to crawl outta bed and share my notes from this past Sunday. I was really encouraged and challenged. I asked myself while I was taking notes... So I want to share. The bold print are the actual sermon notes... the italics are my thoughts and questions as he shared. I thought doing this tonight would bring me peace. I know God will use us. I just thought I knew where. Maybe he has something different/better in store. He does know where he will lead us. I guess I will walk blindly. I hate that. I like to know. I like to have control. Not good when its suposed to be God who has that control.

Anyway - to my notes :)

Dangerous Surrender - Saying Yes To God

My life can be radically different!

What Changes when I say YES to God?
a. My day becomes an adventure
b. My life becomes a miracle
c. My heart becomes peaceful living in the presence of God

What keeps me from saying yes to God?
a. Our Fears keep us from faith & following
* Ignoranace *Idolatry *Insecurities
b. My sinfulness

(What things keep me from surrendering? What do I fear?)
I fear:
The possibilities
The Unknowns
The Uncertainties
The pain
The belief that I am not good enough
(in the last part I comment that I have a fear of not being good enough. When saying that and when I feel that I hear God telling me that alone I am NOT good enough. That is where he comes in. He CAN accomplish things through me. ALONE I may not be able to be the best parent I can be - but HIM THROUGH ME can make me to be the parent he wants me to be. I often have doubts about my ability to be a good mom. So knowing that he CAN use me if I lean on him is encouraging.

How do I say YES to God?
*I simply surrender my entire being to God so the instruments of my body are used for God!

The paster then went on to say that not everyone in the church that day will choose to be radically different. He said it will probably be just 3 or four individuals. He went on saying that many people like to ride the "pontoon boat" as opposed to the "speed boat" of life. I said to myself that I WANT to be one of those three or four people. I WANT my life to be radically different. I WANT to jump into the speed boat! I want to DANGEROUSLY SURRENDER to the life God is calling me to. I don't WANT to watch from the sidelines.

Of course to me I could apply everything he mentioned to adoption. That he has called us to get out of our comfort zone. That he has called us to take the fatherless. To love the least of these despite the awkward or uncomfortableness of the situation. To love the unlovable.

Anyway - I was encouraged. I wanted to share :)

Not happening

I don't understand... I just don't get it.

I thought I knew where we were suposed to be but with one phone call everything can change. Everything did.

I am having a rough time.

I don't understand.

But looks like there is not going to be any pursuit of an adoption from Ethiopia.

You have no idea what I am feeling right now.

Utter defeat.

One or the Other

I know that men like to focus on one thing at a time - but for real. Not me, I could think about and wanna do ten different things all at once. Maybe thats not so great.

It all started on Friday with a 12 year old girl. See we have our foster parent license but our main goal in that was foster to adopt. We have done respite for one night with an 11 year old boy and there was an emergency placement that last three nights which was a 6 year old boy. Just those two in the three years we have had our license. Well now that we have a new house in a new county everything could possibly change. Our agency gets several refferals from our county... many that are younger kids. On Friday when our case worker came to update our homestudy (due to the move) she mentioned a 12 year old girl. We said no initially but I called her back later to get more info. Despite her many hardships this girl had alot going for her, however there were a couple things that were particularly concerning. Now I would never bring a child into my home that would harm my daughters - this was not the issue. She loved little kids and was very good with them. Now over the next couple days (as we were talking about / considering her)I had all kinds of plans in my head. You know - programs she could be in at church, youth group, activities, how we could decorate her room, how my girls would just love having a big sister full time. Now I am realistic in that fact that i know its not going to be cherries all the time. There would obviously be hard days, frustrating days, days I want to yank my hair out and set this kid straight who has an attitude with me. Believe me - I was that kid in high school who had the TERRIBLE attitude. But I also wanted to be the one who would love that girl unconditionally. I wanted her in our home to feel like the princess she has never got to be. I wanted to cry with her (even if its just me crying FOR her). I have a 12 year old sister. I can't imagine her experiencing abandonment and pain that this girl has. I can't imagine feeling unwanted. All that to say - there were a couple concerns that Kyle couldn't get past and so we said no. Fine. I could see his argument. But thats how it started - with her.

I WANT to adopt from Ethiopia. I WANT to adopt from the system. I WANT to do foster care. I WANT to adopt an at risk baby from Project Cuddle.

He wants to do all that too. But one at a time. With alot of time inbetween. Fine.

I heard back from my case manager about a four year old little boy available for adoption from the system. We let her know we were interested a month or two ago and she had let his worker know. He has no special needs (at least nothing I would consider to be significant). He would fit PERFECT in our family. She said his case manager responded back - which our caseworker says may mean she is interested. She is sending her our updated homestudy. Sooo... here is another fork in the road. To me - I say lets pursue both. When we pursued both Kinsey & David look what happend... we got Kinsey and not David. There are so many unknowns. Maybe we will pursue both and one will fall through (the four year old little boy from the system). Maybe it won't fall through and we will be twice as blessed. Why can't we do both?

That is where we are at now. Discussing.

I love my husband. I love that his heart breaks for these kids too. Pray for confidence for him. Pray that God would cast out all fear. He worries how we will pay for an Ethiopian adoption. I KNOW God will provide. Pray that God reveals that to him. He is such a great husband and father. God wants to use my husband to change the lives of the children in his home.

Then there are other people.

I know things may get a little crazy. It may get inconvienent. It may get frustrating. People may think we are dumb. Whatever. People typically are critical no matter what you choose to do. People also typically suck.

Yes, life may get harder with a couple more kiddos.

But I am pretty sure they would be worth it.

Since when did God call us to a life of ease?
I don't understand how you can see the faces of children who go to sleep every night without the love of parents and NOT want to do something.

I want to DANGEROUSLY SURRENDER.

I will post soon on how the sermon from this past Sunday spoke to me...

I am not a pontoon rider :)

Toukoul Orphanage

Of the agencies I have researched I keep coming back to a couple. There are others that have great programs who we have heard wonderful things about but they have things here or there that don't fit us. A couple of the agencies work exclusively with one orphanage in Ethiopia. I am adding a video that I found of the orphanage and the children there. Beautiful children of all ages. About a minute into the video you will see some of the young girls singing and dancing :) At 4 minutes into it you will see the infants and toddlers. I couldn't believe it. I guess I didn't realize so many infants (under 2) would be there. Now some may have families waiting to get them, I don't know. I was just surprised to see it. It is Toukoul Orphanage. They have a guest house for families to stay in when they come to pick up their children - this is probably what I would opt to do.



We still haven't decided on ages we would adopt. One thought was an infant (up to 9 months when they arrive home) and an 18 month to 2 year old. Its hard because we would love to adopt a child that is a bit older too... we go back and forth. Its something we have a bit of time to figure out though. We do think we want to bring home two children (either gender). We have been told by every agency that the majority of families want infant girls - so that means our referrals could come alot quicker. Still we are looking at about nine months to a year from start to finish (when they come home). Its exciting. Crazy... nerve racking.... scary... but exciting too :)

Its an eternal investment. Investing in the souls of the children. Inventing in the kingdom of God. We are excited to be a part of it :)

International Adoption

Before we had adopted Kinsey we had looked into international adoption and the foster care system. We looked into a couple countries and really felt drawn to Ethiopia. We got alot of information from Kingdom Kids Ministries and their African Widows & Orphan Project. We didn't meet the age requirements or the income requirements at the time and felt that was something we want to do in the future. Fast forward to this past summer. Around June I started looking into possibilities for our next adoption. We knew we wanted to be apart of Project Cuddle again but I also wanted to check out other possibilities. I came across a Jamaica adoption program and was really interested! Short wait times, reasonable fees, and it seemed to look fairly easy as far as international goes. That was in June - and the jamaica program was a pilot program. Last month I contacted them again to get an update on the program and things seemed to be going slower than expected so they were no longer accepting new families. Not a biggie because I was fairly certain I wanted to do another domestic adoption or a foster to adopt if the situation arose.

Just for fun I decided to look back at the requirements for Ethiopia and it just snow balled from there. The more I have researched the programs from different agencies the more I know that this is what we will be heading towards. Kyle is funny - today he was like "I thought you want to go with Project Cuddle, or do a foster to adopt" - my response - "Yeah, why cant we do it all?"

Really.... why can't we?