Dangerous Surrender

I couldn't sleep. The last few hours have been hard. I think the most frustrating and discouraging thing for me is that I thought I knew where we were suposed to be. When you think you are headed where God wants you to go and you're not... well.. for me I question alot. Makes me question myself. Makes me wonder when I think I am being led if its just really me. I have always struggled with that - direction from God. Knowing where he wants me to go or what to do. Its frustrating. Its discouraging. I question asking God to show me - because I don't think I can hear what he wants anyway.

I decided to crawl outta bed and share my notes from this past Sunday. I was really encouraged and challenged. I asked myself while I was taking notes... So I want to share. The bold print are the actual sermon notes... the italics are my thoughts and questions as he shared. I thought doing this tonight would bring me peace. I know God will use us. I just thought I knew where. Maybe he has something different/better in store. He does know where he will lead us. I guess I will walk blindly. I hate that. I like to know. I like to have control. Not good when its suposed to be God who has that control.

Anyway - to my notes :)

Dangerous Surrender - Saying Yes To God

My life can be radically different!

What Changes when I say YES to God?
a. My day becomes an adventure
b. My life becomes a miracle
c. My heart becomes peaceful living in the presence of God

What keeps me from saying yes to God?
a. Our Fears keep us from faith & following
* Ignoranace *Idolatry *Insecurities
b. My sinfulness

(What things keep me from surrendering? What do I fear?)
I fear:
The possibilities
The Unknowns
The Uncertainties
The pain
The belief that I am not good enough
(in the last part I comment that I have a fear of not being good enough. When saying that and when I feel that I hear God telling me that alone I am NOT good enough. That is where he comes in. He CAN accomplish things through me. ALONE I may not be able to be the best parent I can be - but HIM THROUGH ME can make me to be the parent he wants me to be. I often have doubts about my ability to be a good mom. So knowing that he CAN use me if I lean on him is encouraging.

How do I say YES to God?
*I simply surrender my entire being to God so the instruments of my body are used for God!

The paster then went on to say that not everyone in the church that day will choose to be radically different. He said it will probably be just 3 or four individuals. He went on saying that many people like to ride the "pontoon boat" as opposed to the "speed boat" of life. I said to myself that I WANT to be one of those three or four people. I WANT my life to be radically different. I WANT to jump into the speed boat! I want to DANGEROUSLY SURRENDER to the life God is calling me to. I don't WANT to watch from the sidelines.

Of course to me I could apply everything he mentioned to adoption. That he has called us to get out of our comfort zone. That he has called us to take the fatherless. To love the least of these despite the awkward or uncomfortableness of the situation. To love the unlovable.

Anyway - I was encouraged. I wanted to share :)