Its been a while: my summer read

Well... its been a while. I haven't disappreared... at least not entirely. We no longer have the internet at home and I am staying busy with the girlies. I am also trying to get some reading done. I have a goal to get two books finished this summer - both by Francine Rivers. The first is THE ATONEMENT CHILD and the second is REDEEMING LOVE.

I am over half way through the first book. I read it once in high school but I could only really remember the general idea of the book....not the intense emotion I would feel as I read it. I have cried a couple times... out of anger, out of disgust, out of helplessness. Its hard. Its hard to hear people - especially Christians - talk about... my daughter ... that way. I know its fiction. I do. But I also know people think, say and feel what is written in this book. The woman in the book, Dynah, was raped. A Christian, from a Christian home. She becomes pregnant. Its as if the child she carries is not a child due to the way the child was conceived. Did I mention that he baby is a child. Did I mention that it is a living being. With a soul. Did I mention that my daughter could have been that child? I have never hid that detail of my daughter's life. I didn't because there is no shame in it. I would never keep it a secret because I feel like she would feel like I am ashamed of it. I am not. I just believe it shows God plan. That her creator-created her. It was not by accident. It was diliberate. His plan for her is big. I am thankful to be a part of it.

I didn't even mean to write as much as I have. Once the book is finished I will respond... I will address the things that angered me. I will process the emotions that I felt. I have tears even now as I think about it. My daughter is playing with her little sister as I write this. So joyful. So innocent. She has no idea that as she grew in her mother's belly..her womb.. - people - even "Christians" viewed her as merely ... I can't even describe it. She would have not been described as a miracle or a blessing.

Oh how she has changed my life. Oh the joy that she brings.

Thank you Jesus for your plan. Thank you Jesus for her mother's strength to bring her into this world. Thank you that you created something beautiful from something so ugly.

Stay tuned....