Didn't you know that white is better?

Last week while I was at a church function/event that I was volunteering for, the topic of adoption came up. You know – women start talking about everything while they work. I was one of three women there who had adopted a child. One of the women was sharing with me about the agency she had gone through – She knew I had adopted but that was the extent of it. Pretty much it was the other two women going back and forth. Then they got to fees and wait period… The woman looks at me with this look I can’t really describe and says “We only waited six months for a CAUCASIAN child”. I am making that in bold because she said it just like that …. Even verbalizing it I can’t explain the look on this woman’s face or the sound of her voice. She said it very slow and very… I don’t know – proud of herself? Like she got what everyone else wishes they had.

I felt like I had been punched in the stomach.

Seriously – you know that feeling where you instantly don’t feel good? I had that. Then I got pissed. My first thought – “Did she really just say that out loud and in that way?” …and my second thought? “What the hell makes your daughter better than mine because she is white?”

This has happened over a week ago and I still feel nauseas thinking about it. On the way home I thought maybe I was taking it the wrong way – maybe she didn’t mean it like that. Then I keep thinking of the WAY she said it. That smug look on her face. Don’t misunderstand – I know many people who only want to adopt white children and I am not offended everytime I hear about it. It was the smug way she said it. So is that how people really feel? That they got the better or more desirable child because its white? I’m sure she wouldn’t have said it in that way, using that tone, had she known my daughter was Hispanic. But at least I know what she was thinking. And these are Christians.

Jesus loves the little children….Red, yellow, black and white … they are precious in his sight.

I still can’t believe it. What if my next child is African American? Or Biracial? Or is Hispanic like my oldest daughter? Does that mean I am to be pitied because I didn’t get a white baby? Are you freaking kidding me??? Does it ever occur to people that our “preference” is a non Caucasian child?

P.S. Jesus wasn’t white