Beyond the Crisis...an inspiring story

Beyond the Crisis

What should Heather do when her pro-life theology collides with the painful reality of a crime?

by Shana Schutte

“Turn off the light,” Heather Gemmen murmured. She thought her husband, Steve, had returned from an evening at church. When Heather peeked out from the covers, she saw a strange man standing in her bedroom! A nightmarish experience followed. Once alone, she phoned Steve.

“You have to come home! You have to come home!” she pleaded. It felt impossible to admit what just happened. Shame engulfed her as she spoke. “I’ve been raped!”

The Choice

Heather had been pro-life since she was a young girl, but now her theology collided with the painful reality of a crime. What should she do? Counseled by her friends, pastor, Bible study group and husband to take the morning-after pill, she visited a physician. But she felt compelled to do her own research before she followed through.

“[If I were already pregnant,] I found that the pill would stop the egg from implanting in the uterine wall, which I considered to be an abortion. But I couldn’t handle the thought of being pregnant, so I took it within 72 hours, the time frame allowed for the pill to be effective, even though I knew it was wrong.”

Heather missed her period once or twice, but she was advised not to worry. “It’s because of stress,” the doctor and friends told her. Then she took a pregnancy test.

God Had Another Plan

The drug didn’t work. Heather’s emotions were conflicted, and she was confused. On one hand, she felt relieved of the guilt of abortion, but she was devastated by the thought of carrying a rapist’s child. Questions, confusion and more shame followed.

“I didn’t know if my husband could deal with it,” Heather admitted. “Would he leave me? What would my family and friends say? I could logically evaluate my situation and knew I was innocent, but I didn’t feel innocent.”

Heather withdrew from nearly everyone in her life, stopped attending church and wanted to lash out at anyone who dared to quote Jeremiah 29:11. “I didn’t believe things would work out for my good — or that I had a future and a hope. I just believed the worst.”

A Wanted Child

A sign of hope emerged when Heather and Steve, still adamant against keeping the baby, phoned a couple they knew was good with children. Heather and Steve asked, “Could you parent this child?” The couple said yes, and they considered the offer an answer to prayer.

But later, Heather was confused by her feelings about adoption. She was grieved by the thought of losing the baby, and she then realized the truth. “I love this child, and I am her mother.” God opened Heather’s eyes, and her heart settled on keeping the baby. But what about Steve?

At the same time, Steve also began to embrace the idea of keeping the baby. Concerned church friends shared a story with him about a family who had a similar experience and was still able to love the rapist’s child. “It opened Steve’s eyes to what was possible,” Heather said. The Gemmens began to think, This is our baby.

God's Hands and Feet

Though not yet a full celebration of life, the Gemmens’ church, family and neighbors helped to usher in a greater joy. The community rallied around and did whatever they could to help.

“They brought us food, gave us a watchdog and had police check up on us,” Heather said.

For a time, Heather regretted telling anyone. “I felt my whole identity had changed. Heather the worship leader was now Heather, the one who had been raped.” She couldn’t bear seeing people who knew her story, so she hid at home embarrassed, isolated and alone.

“But they [the community] loved me anyway,” Heather said. Their care for my family was tangible, and they loved us so much that there wasn’t room in my heart for bitterness and shame. You can’t hold love and shame in your heart simultaneously.”

Just Love

As the months passed and Heather’s baby grew, so did her enthusiasm. Heather went shopping and bought clothes for herself as well as the necessary baby items. With the excitement of the preparation, love grew in the Gemmen home.

By the time baby Rachel arrived, the experience was no longer tainted by painful memories. “It was a beautiful moment of receiving a new life,” Heather said. The only emotion left was love.

Rachel is now a bubbly and energetic 9-year-old. She’s Daddy’s girl, and Steve is enthralled by her. There have been moments when he has looked at Heather and asked, “Can you imagine if we would have never had a daughter?”

After the work of love God did in Heather and Steve’s heart, they also adopted a young boy from their neighborhood — another testimony of the power of forgiveness. About her son, Heather says, “He is so loving. I know he is going to change the world.”

A New Picture of God

Much change has happened through Heather’s heartache, including her view of God. “The rape has changed my view,” Heather said. “I don’t see God as a jolly, old man in the sky any more.” Heather’s childlike picture of God has been replaced by a deeper truth that brings comfort — a God who is her Provider and Sustainer, a God who grieves when she experiences pain.

“God is compassionate yet big enough to handle any problem,” Heather said. “I’ve found I don’t need to minimize my pain. I don’t have to say ‘Oh, everything is fine’ when it’s not. Yes, there are a lot of tough things that happen in life, but God is good.”

Shana Schutte is an editor for Focus on the Family’s Internet Department.

Kinsey Boo :-)

Our Family

Kinsey is staying busy crawling all over the place, pulling herself up on things and enjoying cheerios. She still has her 4 teeth on the bottom and smiles with a toothy grin :-)

Being an Adoptive Mother

What Is an Adoptive Mother?

By Carrie Craft
Being an adoptive mother is not for every woman. She must possess not only the natural mother instinct but an understanding and appreciation of the situation that brought a child into her arms making her a mother. The adoptive family came to be by choices made, choices made by the first parents and by the adoptive parents. This bond the adoptive mother has with her child grows over time, like the child did within his first mother’s womb. Day by day, touch by touch, with each tear, kiss, and memory made they became a family.

Adoptive mothers have that special knack to let love grow.
Adoptive mothers know that she’s a mender of wounds, not just of the physical skinned knees with a band-aid and a kiss, but of the heart. She gives love, acceptance, and permission to ask and talk about the day he was born and of his first parents.
Adoptive mothers are embracers,

not only of the child with many hugs and kisses, but of the child’s heritage and history.

She embraces the facts of her child’s past with strength for herself and the child.
She’s not only a memory maker planning family vacations, activities, and birthday parties, but also a memory keeper. Details of a birth, photos of the hospital, and of the parents who brought her into the world are kept along side the newspaper clipping that announced it all. All these things are kept in a special book that tells the whole story.
She’s a tier of shoelaces and of hearts. She weaves lives together into a tapestry of a new family, with many different brightly, colored threads showcasing their individualities and family origins. Together they create one unit attached to each other.
Adoptive mothers are experts at finding lost objects, but understand and validate the profound, deep loss left by adoption. She allows the tears to fall and grief to be felt, allowing the mourning of the mom not there. She is secure in knowing that she’s not a replacement, but a finisher of a race for someone who, for whatever reason, could not run any longer.
This role is not for the weak of spirit, or the easily wounded. Loving a child not born to her but calling him her own, but this is what she does, it is her calling.

She is a mother.

Her first snow fall :-)

Kinsey is 7 1/2 months old now.... here is her 7th month picture and her in her snow suit :-)